My Old Man by Ted Kessler review – why we should talk to our dads before it’s too late

Leonard Cohen, Rod Stewart, Chris Martin and Shaun Ryder feature in this collection of tales of fathers … stories of love, neglect, violence and hero worship

Ian Dury’s song “My Old Man”, from the album New Boots and Panties!! (1977), is the inspiration for journalist Ted Kessler’s collection of musings on fatherhood. The original album cover is a photograph of Dury standing next to his five-year-old son Baxter, outside Axford’s lingerie shop on Vauxhall Bridge Road. Woolworths and a Mini on the other side of the road are reflected in the shop window. Kessler’s book is a series of verbal portraits of baby boomers who grew up to become fathers, written by their children. Most of the contributors are around Baxter’s age: plenty old enough to be parents themselves and to remember childhood before the internet.

My Old Man began as a blog. Kessler’s mother died suddenly in 2013, the same year his father turned 80. Dury’s lyrics played on his mind: “Died before we’d done much talking / Relations had begun / All the while we thought about each other / All the best mate, from your son.” He launched a website to collate paternal experiences, starting with his own. In 2015, as he was proofing the book version of the blog, Kessler’s father visited him in Paris. As usual, they didn’t do much talking and after an uncommunicative supper, Kessler snapped: “Dad, I don’t want to talk about the shirt you brought me that doesn’t fit me and that you’ve forgotten to give me.” Then they parted as friends at a crossroads with a hug and kiss. “‘Love you, Dad,’ I said. I really meant it.”

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