Is it better to be loved than feared? No, reckoned Niccolò Machiavelli, who advised the rulers of 16th-century Italy to practise authoritarianism, if not outright tyranny, rather than benevolence. Yet most of us not trying to be Renaissance overlords adopt a friendlier disposition when courting respect and influence. Trouble is, when it comes to getting on in life, being too nice can leave us looking weak.
John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut aren't recommending we all strive to be Machiavellian despots, but they do think the Florentine republic's self-help guru had a point. Updating his ideas for the 21st century (and appealing to a broader audience), they proffer strength and warmth akin to fear and love as the alternative ways of building influence. Unlike Machiavelli, however, they do not back one approach over the other, arguing that the two usually need to be in perfect equilibrium, much like supply and demand in a well functioning economy, to produce one of the "compelling people" who give their book its name. Err on the side of strength, and a person will seem domineering; favour warmth, and he or she risks coming across as a pushover.
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