Manchester-based poet Lemn Sissay, a care-leaver, explains why 'the family Christmas' means nothing if you've never had one
In the week before Christmas, most of the others departed the children's home to be with their families. The bare, near-empty house became a holding vessel for the few children who had nowhere to go on Christmas Day. It was overseen by staff who didn't want to be there either. The onset Christmas was like playing pass-the-parcel to the tune of Jingle Bells when everyone knows there's nothing in the box. I left care aged 17 with nothing except these memories as the foundation for every Christmas to come.
From a desolate flat on Christmas Day aged 17 as a care leaver, I visited the homes of friends and watched to see how Christmas is. I'll not forget the parents who felt they must tell me they were not fostering. They must have thought my friendship to their son meant I wanted fostering. I learned early on in life never to stay too long; never overstay your welcome. I wore emotional camouflage and hid in forests of family, in plain sight, and I stretched the phrase "it's all relative" to its limit. And yes there is always somebody in a worse situation than me. I lived with them.
After care there is the memory of the lack of it. Among the homeless, a quarter have been in care. NCAS (the National Care Advisory Service) says that 34% percent of care leavers are not in education, employment or training at the age 19, compared with 13% of all young people. A study for the BBC's Inside Out programme found that almost two out of three young people will be without a home at some time after leaving care. In many cases it seems care is a one-word oxymoron.
The most chilling statistic from the head of lobbyists A National Voice is that the average age for suicide if you are a care-leaver is 27. The only funeral I've ever been to was for a care-leaver in his late 20s.
At the NCLW (National Care Leavers Week) conference it was highlighted that the experience of leaving care is very likely to reawaken feelings that happened when entering care. Young people leaving care are probably going through major trauma, possibly even PTSD, while trying to cope with all the 'normal' stresses of training, finding work, living as young adults. It makes sense then that 40% of prisoners under 21 were in care as children (only 2% of the general population spend time in prison). Having visited Wandsworth and Holloway prisons recently I can testify to traumatised imprisoned care leavers.
The care-leaver is under immense pressure, and Christmas Day is when it comes to head. The memories compound and the Christmas image twists like the wordless opening scene of La Cité des enfants perdus.
But this year, in Manchester, a little less than a month ago, a care-leaver brought together 12 professionals with over 150 years experience of working the care system between them. His aim: to provide a "scrumptious Christmas dinner" on Christmas Day for between 40 and 45 care-leavers.
After defining what was needed the group joined Crowdfunder and stated their project online. Each person from the group and their profession is named on Crowdfunder. All working on this in a personal capacity giving their time and experience free. They are called The Christmas Dinner. There is no logo. There is no constitution. Their first meeting was via Google video conference. It took half an hour to start because 90% of them either hadn't met or used the technology before.
Within thirty days £6,000 was raised on Crowdfunder, plus pledges: Organic Turkeys from Baileys turkey farm; organic vegetables from Unicorn Grocery; cakes from Sugar and Spice Bakery. Picture House cinema have donated free cine world tickets as presents. One of the rooms in the secret location. (also donated) is called Picture House Christmas for the post meal film. One Piece, the onesie company, have given over fifty onesies. L'Oreal have given goody bags.
Phillip Prince, who has cooked for both Manchester United and Manchester City, will oversee the dinner. The Warehouse Project, and Ground Control Park Life festival, No 6 Festival Kendal Calling have all given VIP tickets to help fund the event. Property magnate Tom Bloxham of Manchester-based Urban Splash gave £1,000 today. There's been an immense Twitter campaign supported by BBC 6 Music's Mary Ann Hobbs, who is one of the volunteers for the day.
It's all happened via word of mouth and pixel power: Twitter, Crowdfunder and Facebook. At its heart is a simple idea managed by knowledgeable people. The Christmas Dinner is inspired by the Tope Project. Tope was a care-leaver who took his own life. Last year they held a Christmas dinner for care-leavers in London. In 2014 Huddersfield University is committed to doing a Christmas dinner for care-leavers. There are seven days left for the Christmas Dinner Crowdfunder campaign in the North West. All monies, presents, food and decorations are used for the Christmas Dinner in the North West, this year and next.
I am the person who found twelve professionals in the North West to put the Christmas Dinner together. I am a care-leaver for the rest of my life. It's not something I get over or avoid. It's who I am. If there is shame, it isn't mine. It never was. Superman was adopted, Harry Potter was fostered, Cinderella was fostered, Jesus was from a one-parent family –or at least had an absent, omnipresent father – Mohammed was orphaned and adopted, Moses was adopted. And Lisbeth Salander, the girl with the dragon tattoo – my personal favourite – was fostered and imprisoned, 40% of the prison population. This society does not make the connection with the superheroes it reveres and the child with a similar story in our midst. The shame of the care system isn't ours or social workers – social workers are the most important workers in our society. The shame of being held in care is by a society that can't admit it needs the care system.
I am doing this as much for me as much as for them and I am okay with that. Charity really does start at home.
• Lemn Sissay is a poet who is based in Manchester. If you would like to pledge anything for the Christmas Dinner, please visit its Crowdfunder page
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